Fire

Surrounded by the blaze,

i see the door beyond the fire.

who will fight the flames?

Blood Red Skies

I lie, sprawled across the sand,

unmoving.

and in my hand, i hold a rose,

and the blood from the thorns drips between my fingers.

my other hand, clenches the space above my heart, resting upon my chest,

a chest that no longer heaves,

like the waves which gently surround me,

and now i am no longer picture perfect, a tragic pose to call for tears.

now i am nothing,

and the sea takes me, and diginity does no follow.

i roll clumsily onto one side, my arms crossed unnaturally.

my head lolls backwards, my eyes out of control.
the rose falls from my hand, and stays on the sand behind me as i finally dissapear from sight.


only minutes later, a small girl runs across the sand, and picks up the rose.
and proudly displays it to her mother.

the mother cries,
and the child does not know why.

but when this small girl looks to the horizon, she sees the blood red skies of a broken heart.

All I Need

I could never have lived a fish-bowl life.
But now, I wish I had.

One day with you,
One day to miss you.
One day with you,
One day to miss you.
One day with you,
One day to miss you.
One day with you,
One day to miss you.
One day with you,
One day to miss you.
One day with you,
One day to miss you.
One day with you,
One day to miss you.

Forever.

Memories

Memories,

like rain,
begin to flood my mind

your eyes,
reflections of all i hate.

flashes of time with you,
soft lips,
gentle sighs,
welcoming arms,

cheeks as pale as the moon beneath which we lay,
eyes brighter than the stars above,
lips a red deeper than wine,

you are tonight's gift,
as beautiful as the flowers of night,

and i miss the memories.

Along The Way

Why does no one else see your tears!
why do they continue to walk!

am i the only one?

if am.. for it appears to be so,

then i must help you. i must!

i must escape this place, so i can dry your eyes, and tell you that i love you,

tell you you're beautiful,

have you smile. just smile, for a moment,

and my heart will flutter,

as light and free as a thousand butterflies.

maybe one day, because of me,

you will smile, and never stop.

and then,
i will have achieved what i set out to do,
and fallen in love along the way.

Time Wasted

I give everything to you,

until there is nothing left.

do you not notice my struggle?

do you not feel my pain?

or do you simply take all i give

with no consideration of the consequences,
or what you're leaving behind?

no, i will never stop loving you, even if you no longer have any use for me.

can you not lie with me in this room?

and together we can leave it all behind...

pass through the door,

no more time wasted.

Slightly Bad Mood.

I left you there,

and walked away.
I didnt look back,
and i never will.

i cant you see,
they wont let me.

yet i left you there,
and now you stand alone.

Forgiveness

That wasn't me.

i spent a long time proving that to myself, in the hope that once i believed it, so would you.

did my wish come true?

did all my work count for anything?

i could never accept your forgiveness until i had forgiven myself.

have i forgiven myself?

all i have are scars..

what do they prove?

Dont even look at me.

Im overcome with self-consciousness.

and for the first time, all the people on the other side of the wall are staring at me.

and i dont want them to.

im afraid of how they see me

i wish i could tell them to stop looking at me.

or i could just hide myself,

so they couldnt see me.

Invincible

In this place, I am untouched.

nothing, or noone, can hurt me.

It wouldnt be lying to say that I am invincible.

but even the strongest of us, fight battles beneath the surface.

all you see, is not all there is.

and i know that i used to be just like that.

alone in the world, full of fake smiles, forced laughter, acted interest

and the constant use of the words;
yes, im fine.

i worked so hard to only let the world see what i wanted them to see.

a person, who could cope.

and the simple truth was, still is,

i cannot.

Tomorrow,

With my face pressed up against the wall, i watched you.

you stood out from the crowd

you were all i could see.
Your beauty took my breath away,

and yet my heart longed to reach out for you.

i knew, there and then, that you did not see yourself in the same way i did.

and i knew, that all i wanted, was to show you that.

for a moment, i think you noticed me. no one else ever did

they would just keep on walking.

but for a fleeting moment, your eyes met mine,

and i had a reason, a desperate reason,

to escape this place.

but the feeling was gone as quickly as it had come, and i watched you turn, and walk into the crowd once more, slowly dissapearing from sight, never looking back.

forever shall i dream of your perfection,
until the day i pass through the door beside me.

Unsuitably Wise

i recalled something today.

something of a memory.

i was told that i was wise..

wise, when i was 14 years old.

when these thoughts ran through my world, i felt a spark,
of hope, strength, joy, and the slightest touch of freedom.

and when i did,

the door opened slightly.

it lasted for only a moment in the torture of my eternity

but it gave me hope.

if i can fight the darkness, fight away all the negative observations of myself,
maybe one day i can escape this place.

Morbus.

reaching out with the tendrils of my mind, i begin to write on the wall

the wall that supports the door.

i stay as far away from the door as possible
but i realise, that as i gradually write more and more of what i feel,
i will slowly mak my way towards the door. and when i eventully do reach it,

i believe that the door will be unlocked.

but for now, i battle with myself, day by day

crying or screaming,

until one day, i will pass through the door.

morbus.
i know what it means, do you?

The Observer

The world, or the part of the world in which i am trapped

is not actually a place.

i dont ACTUALLY feel, smell, hear, taste or see anything.

its all in my head.

pretty much the same as real sensation,

except real sensation is....

real.

and reality has boundaries that the mind does not.

For the truth is, i am not real.

i am simply the worst of what I used to be. I am a pessimist,
and i all i am is the worst i can see in myself.

I am the Observer.

Once more

a thousand people watch me.
i watch them back.
they are on the other side
behind the door.

wherever the door leads.

i dont know where or what it is, but from there..

they stand.
they watch.
they do not blink.
they do not breathe.

i close my eyes, and i hear their voices, see their thoughts skipping across my eyelids
i open my eyes,
they are gone.

once more, i am alone.

black tendrils growing out of my back

i realised today that because i spent so long pushing myself to the boundaries of physical pain
it no longer means anything to me.

and that space has to be filled.

so the other kind of pain

comes back at me, twofold.

Introduction

Hello.

i cannot give you a name, for i am not aware of one.

id describe myself.. but i dont know what to say.

you see..

time doesnt exist where I am

what is time, but a measure of where we are going, where we have come from?

im not going anywhere.
i have no memories.

so for me, time is nothing.

introduction, introduction.

ill tell you my story, day by day. as it happens. so you hear it, before i forget.

i struggle to grasp the idea that so much has happened so far, so much is still to happen.

for me, it happens all at once. but each moment is forever..

bear with me.

i get lost easily, and you may too.

goodnight.